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What makes you think you know so much?

Yet another thing that drives me insane is when customers come in and demean me with their superior attitudes about everything. I don’t mind if we’re talking about say, accounting, and they happen to be an accountant and school me a little on my knowledge of depreciation. What I do mind is when they tell me what is going on in my job.

The top ranking piss-me-off action is when they try to swipe their card. Most of the time people get it the wrong way round, and the little picture on eftpos machines is confusing. Plus no one machine is the same, each one has their quirks. So don’t tell me how to use my own goddamn till! Usually they swipe and I say, “strip facing me.” They then bungle it and proceed to turn the card around and swipe. And swipe. And swipe before complaining that something’s wrong. I then say once more, “stripe facing me,” to which they respond, “I already did it that way.” Now it might be my paranoia, but there is an inflection in their tone that screams things like, ‘how could you know?’ or ‘yeah right, you don’t know how to use money machine things,’ etc. and it drives me nuts. Why would I tell you the wrong thing? Why would I give you information to slow down the transaction? I want your money for my service, and as fast as possible at that. So listen to what I say about something I deal with eight hours a day and fucking do it. Don’t argue, just say, ‘ahhh ok.’ If it’s still giving you grief just hand the card and keypad over to me and I’ll nail it in one it’s just most of the time I’m juggling about four different tasks to be bothered holding your hand.

Next in the rankings, though not necessarily second is when new people ask if we are Espressodog (not real name). That place closed two and a half years ago. When informed they look at us in disbelief. Sometimes they even say, “oh well I must be in the wrong place,” turn and leave only to come back two minutes later with whoever they’re meeting. Some ass the other day ordered a takeaway coffee. When given the cup he looked at the label and said, “didn’t you guys used to be Havanut (not real name)?” I furrowed my brow in confusion and asked, “here in Doghouse (not real name)?” “Yeah,”

“Um, no we’ve always used Superbeans (you know the drill),”

“I’m pretty sure you used to be Havanut,”

“Nope. In the two years we’ve been here, always Superbeans,”

“Are you sure?”

No. I’m not. I’ve only been here since the goddamn opening. I’ve only been making the same coffee for the past two years. I only work here almost every day! I’m just lying to you for kicks, and when you leave we’ll all laugh and say, “ha! Fooled that sucka! We totally used to rock the Havanut coffee! We got him good. High five!” No. Trust me, I’m a barista.

That’s all I have time for today. Some people are just…


Note: As an extra some lady came in and asked us to describe the flavour of our rice cakes. We said, ‘well its tomato, rice, egg, cheese, mushroom tasty savoury goodness.’ She didn’t get it and wanted more description. What? It’s fresh on the nose, with a lingering hint of umami on the palate? There’s also herbs in it. I’m not gonna make up some bullshit frozen foods blurb here. It’s a rice cake for $4.50. Gah!